Currently, I do not even feel like typing this blog. I am feeling rather depressed to be honest with you. I would rather curl up into a ball and sleep my days away. I would rather not face my current struggles, or, have them abruptly solve on their own without any of my own involvement.

It’s not very realistic and it’s not very “adult”. Whatever that may mean… But I am doing this because maybe, just maybe, it will help someone, anyone. I hope it helps you.

 

15

Dear 15 year old Ter’race,

How are you? No, I mean,  really, how are you? There is no need to lie or save face so you won’t be embarrassed by your emotions. I know how you absolutely loathe being vulnerable. It’s cool. Let it all out.

See, the reason why I am writing to you is because I want you to realize just how vital and essential you are. No, you are vital and essential because you are 25 year old doctor with your own crib, car, and vacation spot as you thought about so many times. I mean, you are the exact opposite. You are still at home with your parents, still in school (about to get your B.A. soon! whoop whoop!), have your own car, and learning to live life on your own terms.

Yeah, yeah, I know it’s not what you expected. You expected be have your own business, single, sexy, and traveling. You thought you were finally going to be the IT girl around town. And… you are! Just not in the way you expected and planned for yourself.

Before you even start… stop rolling your eyes and holding back the tears. See… God had different plans. I know that does not supplement what you dreamed of, but it is better than what you could even imagine. You are a lot more happier, even at peace! Girl, all what you are going through right now is a distant memory!

Yup! I am talking about THAT pain. That depression, anxiety, suicidal pain. Stop cringing girl! This is your story and it helping people’s lives. No need to hide it anymore! You’re good! You are safe! Transparency is an amazing thing. I mean, if you really want to become the woman that you have imagined yourself to be, it’s going to take some work that will make you uncomfortable and it can be downright scary. But you are good. Just breathe. You will be fine.

Your friends that you have will not be your friends in a couple of years. I know it seems heartbreaking and it seems like I am here to ruin your world, but it’s the end. It’s only the end when you choose. You have more control than you think. I know everyone is trying to convince you of that, but it’s true! Until you grasp that baby girl, you will continue to hurt.

All in all, I just wanted to encourage you. Although everything did not turn out how you dreamed it would be at 25, it is surely way better than expected. Whatever your passion is, whatever you dream about constantly: Do it. You have nothing to lose. Take in the whole appreciation of who you are! You are needed!

God made you into this whole, wonderful, beautiful being that is combined with purpose , ambition, drive, intelligence, and power. You can do this! He designed you to do this! You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalms 139:14). The enemy can’t stop you! You have been allowing the lies of the enemy to withhold your greatness.

Baby girl, it is your move. God is guiding your very steps (Proverbs 16:9); there is nothing for you to worry about. Don’t even worry about if you have this… It is done.

 

35

Dear 35 year old Ter’race,

Hey girl! I mean… Hey Lady! Lol. How are YOU?! Man, I can ONLEE imagine how much you have grown and how much you have accomplished! Look at you witcho bad self! You are killing the game!

It would seem normal for me to write a whole list of expectations that I have for you, but I am not going to EVEN set up that for you, lol. The reason why I say that is because I know God has mapped out a life you totally did not expect. You have made plans, for this I know. However, the way that He lead you may be completely different than what you were thinking ten years prior.

But one thing for sure, I know God got you! He has His Hand laid upon you and there is no moving it unless YOU move away from it, which I know won’t happen because you love Him so much.

Although, I do not know where you are now, but I can say that I am extremely overjoyed that you stood your ground; that you did what you were suppose to do and you finally stood up for yourself. A round of applause for you! You are conquering your purpose!

But most of all, thank you Ter’race for being you. You finally accepted who you are and how God designed you to be. Remember how much you used to hate it? Yeah, I am laughing too. But you came a long way and you came out on top on a lot of things and it only strengthened your faith.

I am super duper proud of you. Thank you for staying true to what God has called you to be in His Kingdom. AND, thank you for operating in that obediently!. Love you lady!

 

Currently…

Dear Me,

It seems like there is so much to say and so little time, but you say it to yourself so much everyday that time can be wasted.

Sometimes you are happy and joyful, while other times you let things get the best of you. It’s not often, but it does catch up with you, you allow it to bounce and pounce upon your brain like you are it’s favorite chew toy. You never once say stop and just let it run it’s course.

So… what can I say about you?

You have come a long way since 15 years old, but you still have a long way to go until 35. No need to be discouraged by that, it is something to look forward too. Be glad you are apart of it! It could have easily been someone else.

So, now, I want you to remain content. Not so content that you become complacent, but content enough to be at peace and have more than enough peace to keep going. There are a lot of things that trouble you and you are not always vocal. You feel as though you can be a whiner and can never make  up your mind. But you are allowed to be that, no one says that you cannot. Only you say that.

Perk up and be satisfied with who you are. There is no reason to hide it anymore. Not everyone will like it, but that is not your bush to burn. Let them be unsatisfied! It makes it easier to let them go.

I know you are constantly learning a lot. There are many things you are currently facing that is causing what feels like turmoil inside of you. It makes you want to revert back to the ways of worry, but your faith will not allow you do that. Every time you try to go there, your faith is shield from the fiery darts and everything that could be said, are blocked.

So, even right now, where you are in life… I am very proud of you. You could have given up, but you had too much drive to stop. Keep going. You can do this and you will!

T,  just keep swimming 🙂 <3.

With Love,

T.