Dear God,
Things are so good right now. Shoot, they are GREAT. I am working, managing school, saving money, figuring out myself and actually liking it, and living a fantastic life.
So, why am I sitting here being here overly critical of myself?
I have come so very far and have so many great outcomes that I know that You, God, are real, but yet it does not seem to satisfy my craving for ever feeling enough; just quite right; the most molded puzzle piece to fit the picture.
So, now what? Should I beat myself for not being who I want to be? Nah… it takes too much energy. How about self-pity? That way I can take everyone on board… Naahhh, not that either. Not only does that take too much energy, it sucks the energy out of others too.
God, I am not asking for much, actually, I am not asking for anything at all. I just want to know why is the intimidation is real and the inadequacy is overwhelming?
Why is it that it seems I feel like I am never enough? Is it my cue to get froma comfortable place and allow myself to be challenged? Or, is it just a reoccurring lie that was conjured up long ago and resurfaces when someone has a better way of being, talking, living, better than me? All in Christian perspective.
Maybe it’s just me tripping. Overthinking. Overanalyzing myself into a place of where I think I should belong instead of allowing you to put me in that place of where you have called me to be.
Idk God… I just ask questions and wait to hear from you. And maybe I am just being too hard on myself and everything is not what it is cracked up to be.
Idk.
And maybe, thats just the way it should be.
Enjoying the sweetness of god 