Hey guys! Welcome back to this month’s installment of Life Lessons. First, I definitely wanna apologize to everyone for missing the month of September. September was an unusual month for me this year and I didn’t make time to write for the very reason of this months life lesson: I wanted everything to perfect.
After procrastinating and trying to decide whether to change websites, I finally bought my domain. THEN, after all of that, I got in this stage that I frequently visit: Self-doubt. When it comes to writing, I have a tendency to self-doubt, A LOT. I always want to do better, but then, I overwhelm myself with uncertain expectations and I end up doing nothing at all. That’s where the procrastination comes in and I end up in a cycles.
Which is one reason why doing this perfectionism piece will give me peace. There is some good that I can find in it, but there is also some bad. I am working on allowing God to prune and pluck my character, and this is the main thing He gets on me about. It’s another piece of myself that I allow to have control over but when I do that, God has no involvement in that room of my life.
So… I am learning and allowing God to remove me from things that have worked in the past, but are not necessarily good for me. That being said, lets get started on the 10 things I learned about being a perfectionist
1). Everything does NOT go as planned
One of the main things that I have learned about being a perfectionist is that it does not matter how much I plan, or, envision back-up plans for anything that can go wrong, it does not mean that every base is covered. Nothing can ever go as planned. Ever. Do you know the infinite possibilities/combinations of things that could happen in one instance? Millions upon billions UPON trillions of things could happen. There is no way that one human can think of them all even before they happen.
For me, it became tiresome and I was done before anything got started. I would exhaust myself because I could not figure out how something would work out. Ultimately, I would be left with endless confusion and doubt. The decision to trust God not only became a decision of obedience, but it also became a decision of wanting/desiring peace. There is something, a freedom, about not being in control that makes me feel controlled.
There is a huge difference between being in control of situations, and those situations being controlled by God. By controlling something, I have to make all of the big decisions and make sure that all of those millions upon billions upon trillions of things are measured exactly. Having situations controlled means that I don’t have to be in the driver seat and worry about those intricate things; God got me. No matter what happens, it will work out for the greater good (Romans 8:28).
2). What is planned for the situation, may not be the best plan for that situation.
Another important lesson that I learned by being a perfectionist is this: My plan is not always the best plan. Just because I planned it and I envisioned it working, it may be not be best thing for that situation.
I cannot express to you how many times I have been in situations where I planned for something to the exact and small details, and it still did not work out. I cannot tell ya’ll how many times I would obsessively think about how I could have done something better. I cannot even count the amount of times I would beat myself up because I didn’t think of other things in the moment.
Let’s be real here… We all do this at one point in our lives. We think about ways we could have improved moments AFTER they happen. We allow those past moments to linger and stay in our minds almost forever. Well, guess what? We are gonna have other moments and we should not allow important moments to waste away because of a missed moment.
Hear me when I say this: MOMENTS MATTER. I am not trying to yell at you nor make you hyper-aware of moments, but I wanna instill this in you : If you missed a moment, there will be another. If you did not make the mark this time, there will be others. Just make sure that whatever you missed the first time, you are aware that you do not miss again.
3). Continuously working on something is great, but obsessing over it, is not.
Being a perfectionist, I found myself constantly and consistently working on something. It’s amazing how we allow a project or a situation to reel in our attention , making us tuned to that one thing.
It’s all good to be focused on your projects or situations, but it is unhealthy to allow them to control you and take over your life. How do you know you are obsessing over something? It happens when you constantly and consistently find yourself thinking about that one thing; that one detail to the point it consumes your life.
I remember when I would work on projects for my classes. I would choose to work through hunger and sleep. I would work through holding myself as long as possible before going to the bathroom. My best friend would literally have to take away my computer and paperwork in order to get me to eat and take a break, or else I would work straight through.
In those moments, there is no room for God to move nor work. I ended up making those very things my life; my idol. I sought joy and fulfillment when those projects were completed because I knew I did my best and would receive the greatest result. The reward and hard work became an obsession.
However, I had to learn that those things were not going to last long term. Eventually, I graduated and had to find my way back to God. I had to let all the projects and situations go because they had become past things and not foundational things I needed. I had to learn that my work does not bring me value; my value is what I bring to my work. It is what God has instilled in me that made it great; which leads me to my next point.
4). Nothing can be truly in its finished state.
It does not matter how many times I go back and re-read past papers, proposals, and projects, I will always find something that can be improved. Even if I do not find it myself, someone else will find what needs to be improved.
Anything that we stumble upon or find is never in its true finished state; specific things will always need improvement. Just imagine if the human race were satisfied with stone wheels and dirt floors. Imagine us without technology, electricity, and running water. I believe that we would be able to survive, however, there would be many things that could be improved like having clean water and consistent light.
What I am saying is this: Don’t allow yourself to work so hard, trying to make everything perfect, that you don’t allow the next generation(s) to do what they are purposed to improve. Nothing can stop the Will of God except Him, however, let us not be stumbling blocks for our family in Christ because we are anxious to have something in its complete and finished state.
Why would we ever expect anything else to be in its complete and finished state when we are constantly growing and evolving?
5). Paying attention to detail.
One thing about being a perfectionist is that paying attention to detail is a skill that is learned and well learned, over and over again. Each detail that is imaginable and logical will be included in the way that a perfectionist operates.
But sometimes that works against us because when it comes to relaxing and just taking things as they come; there is tension in the struggle because we try to live life by understanding and including each and every detail that we believe is essential in living life.
Paying attention to all of the details will get us in a position to miss the big picture. Sometimes it is not all about the seed, but the flower itself.
6). Make sure you are on your p’s and q’s.
Being a fellow perfectionist, I know what this can feel like. When things are seemingly going to plan, and everything is falling into place in the way I think that it should, I notice that I stand in a rigid and solid position. I dare not make a move to interrupt the flow of everything. I want it to continue to go the way that I want it to go.
However, there is no room for flexibility. Flexibility causes too much unsteadiness and that, sometimes, is too risky for a perfectionist. But, we end up losing out on a great opportunity because what if the unsteadiness is the good ground that we needed to sow a seed or harvest grain? Just, what if, that flexibility and openness to anything, even the impossible happening, is just what we need over what we planned for?
Making sure being on your p’s and q’s is good to prove loyalty and reliability, but it does not create room for creativity and uniqueness. Often it stays as a shut door on open opportunities.
7) Keeping working at it.
I remember just a few months ago when I was preparing to graduate, I would spend hours UPON hours on senior projects. Although I would become frustrated, I would keep working at it. I would work through being hungry until I was hungry no more; I would work through being tired until I got a coffee or a burst of energy.
But towards the end, right at the finish line, I realized that while I kept working at those projects, I was accomplishing a lot but also depriving myself of a lot. I kept myself from essential needs like food and rest. I realized that, yes I do work hard, but also I need to rest as well. I realized that just because I stop working on something for that moment does not mean that it is the end. I still have room to keep working at it in reasonable timing.
8) Whatever you are working on, it will eventually be done.
One thing about me, I love to stay busy. However, when the project/task is daunting, or, so much time and energy has been placed into it, sometimes you just want it to be over. Sometimes it takes too much detail and too much time to complete. Compile that with being a perfectionist, it will make those types of tasks ten times worse.
But, I am here to tell you, that whatever you are working on, it will be over soon. When I was talking to God about the title of this point, I did not quite understand what He meant. But, now, as I am writing this out, I understand that whatever we are doing as perfectionists, will be over soon, to which His Will is going to reign over ours.
We may will things into existence, but our power alone does not have the power to help it withstand and remain. Whether it is only a project for the week, or, for the year, it will be over soon. The late nights and early mornings will soon be a distant memory.
Whatever God wills is what WILL remain. It does not matter how long we have been working on something or ironing out the kinks, when He wills for something to be over, it is over.
9) Work hard, rest harder.
Being a perfectionist doesn’t always guarantee hard work, but when you are a hard worker and a perfectionist, whew chile… what a combo! After all of that hard work, there is rest. Either that rest will come through burnout (forced) or taking a rest. But rest is rest, and we ALL need it.
I believe resting hard is often better than working hard because the most unexpected things happen when resting. Besides the moments, there is so much revelation in resting and being in peace. Having your mind in such a calm state can cause a chain reaction of resolved problems or interactive peace.
Resting is essential and needed.
10) Let. It. Go.
When it is all said and done. Let it go. When it does not go according to plan; when you find yourself constantly and consistently working on something; working hard all of the time without rest; when it ends, it is time to let it go.
Whatever that “it” is, let it go and let it be whatever it is meant to be for that moment. That goes for relationships, projects, missed moments, whatever that case may be, let it go.
There is no way to correct it or make it perfect now, and do not spend time trying to perfect the moment in your mind so that when it comes next time, you will be ready. That will be a different time, different destination.
The art of letting go is essential for our mental health and our overall spiritual well-being. Even in the moments when we have worked so hard to make something so great and still have to let it go, it is hard to do, but essential and needed. Let it go knowing that even in its seemingly finished state, it is not yet finished and still progressing; that you have started something great that will carry throughout generations to come.
Typing this Life Lesson was hard, draining, and took longer than it should have. But what I have learned is this: Trust God.
God, in the midst of all of this, asked me this: If something did not go the way that you wanted to, would you trust me?
Typically the answer is no, but starting today, it is yes.
I can’t control everything and I do not want to anymore. It’s too much work and I never get to rest. Plus, I become a harsh critic of myself. PLUS PLUS, why perfect something that has already been completed? Now, I trust that God has destined everything and every moment, so there is no need to perfect anything that the Creator has already perfected. It is safely in His Hands.
I hope and pray that this helped ya’ll as much as it helped me to write it all out.
Love you guys!
With love,
T.
Enjoying the sweetness of god 