Pictured above, in November of 2019, I was 6-7 months in my weight loss journey. As I took this picture, I knew I had come a long way, but I was not satisfied yet. I dreamed of looking smaller and more toned. However, I was grateful that I was far from where I was.
In March 2019, I experienced a health scare. I was pre-diabetic, blood pressure out of control even with medications, and it was becoming difficult to walk anywhere. I officially weighed 287 pounds, which was the heaviest I have ever weighed in my entire life.
After coming home from my doctor’s appointment, I cried out to God for help to lose the weight. I told God I had finally accepted myself fully; loving myself from head to toe but I was ready for change. I remember I specifically said to Him, “God, I know I look good at this size, but now it’s time to see how I look skinny!”. I like to believe that God smiled and chuckled at my comment before helping me.
At the start of my journey, God guided me to wonderful, amazing, and highly motivated people to assist me in my journey. Thanks to Tasha (my health coach), Kimberly (my inspiration), my parents, my friends, and other wonderful people, this journey has been challenging and fulfilling, to say the least. I admit, this journey was far from being easy, but it has been worth it.
In this blog, I wanted to share with you what my journey has been like so far, and what my current challenges are. I am sure you were probably expecting tips and tricks for your own personal diet to shed a few pounds, which my advice concerning that is not far off. But I promise, it is definitely not what you are expecting.
My weight loss journey .vs. My mental health
Often when approaching weight loss, I always thought of the physical battle. I would think about how much I would hurt; how much I would be out of breath; how much I would sweat; and how hard my heart would seemingly beat out of my chest. I would think about becoming sore just from the thought of exercising.
Now, don’t get me wrong… I do like being active, but not active to the point I was reaching for my next breath. I loved walking; and even challenging myself to skip steps when running up the stairs. However, anything that remotely challenged me, I despised it. I would often become very angry, and mumble a few cuss words under my breath (yes, I was a cussing Christian) when completing an exercise I hated it.
When I started my weight loss journey, I was already used to the physical activity. I was going to the gym 2-3 times a week exercise my stiff limbs. At the time, exercising helped me to ease my anxiety as well and helped me to sleep better during the night. However, what I was not prepared for was the mental battle I had to face every day when I decided to switch to a healthy lifestyle.
I remember when I started, I had to convince myself that it was even possible to complete this journey. I faced many negative thoughts that swirled my mind whenever I approached the elliptical machine or the treadmill in the gym.
Often, I would face thoughts like, “You know you can’t do it. Too much pressure on your knees”, “If you keep walking, your legs will give out”. I remember being in the gym, speed walking on the treadmill, and felt a angry scream working it’s way through my throat because of the constant stream of negative thoughts I was experiencing.
I found myself on the verge of tears and rage. I didn’t want to hear the negative thoughts anymore; I didn’t want them to be so “near and dear” to me that I would be comfortable with their presence. As soon as the scream was about to come out, I prayed.
I asked God, through a prayer in my inner voice to help me. I turned up my music louder to drown it out; God told me to put on worship music. I wanted to scream; God told me to pray. I was going to run off the treadmill to hide in the locker room; God told me to stay. The more I focused on the negative, God told me to focus on the positive.
Once I made it through that moment, God revealed to me that there was going to be many more moments like this one, and that I needed Him to prepare me so I could stand firm in this new life. How am I supposed to be prepared Lord?”, I asked. God pointed me to His word and showed me that in order to strengthen my body, I had to strengthen my mind with the Word of God.
God showed me that I had to have a knowing in my KNOWING that I was fearfully and wonderfully made; that I am the head and not the tail; that although I seemed last in everything, I am first. Girding myself up with the Word of God enabled me to fight my mental battles; it strengthened me to get up everyday and choose to move forward. I had to choose that this lifestyle was going to be permanent for me, and not a means to an end.
It helped me to eliminate excuses that I would make up for myself. When I would tell God I didn’t have time to change to go to the gym after work, He would tell me put on my gym clothes before work. When I told God I was too sore to do anything, God would tell me warm up before going all in with my workout. God made it so that there was no room for the negativity; not even the room of negativity I was trying to make for myself.
Once I became strong in the Word, God taught me how to maintain it. Not only did I have to get away from the negatives, I had to STAY away. I have noticed that, often, when you remain in something positive, the negatives always come back, as if they are gnats attracted to light.
I had to learn that even though these “gnats” were flying around, buzzing in my ear about how they couldn’t imagine doing what I was doing to lose weight, I had to stay focused. I decided that I did not have any room to break this new cycle; I could not stop. I had to keep my eye on the prize because my life was on the line.
My weight loss journey and my faith
Listen, being encouraged in the Lord and knowing His word is great, but lemme tell ya’ll… It doesn’t work without faith. I had to have faith throughout the whole process. I cannot tell you how many times I have cried, become frustrated, saddened, depressed, and angered concerning the progress I wanted to see on the scale and in losing inches.
This was a hard process! And STILL hard! Everyday, I am learning about my body all over again. Then, once I become used to something, it changes again. Often it seems as though I am right back at step one. But, I have to say that my faith in God helped me to continue my process in maintaining my healthy lifestyle.
Whenever someone asks me, “How did you do it?”, I say, “God”. Because, truly, that is my answer! Trust me, I am not trying to be this “holier than thou” type of person. It was truly God that helped. Without the measure of faith He gave me, I would have failed, stopped, and probably be over 300 pounds. I wouldn’t even be writing this!
God helped me to maintain and use my faith. I had to believe in what God was showing me and who He brought into my life to help me. I like to think that sometimes we believe that the measure of faith God gave us only works in just one way. But, that is the wonderful thing about God, He works in so many different ways!
Not only did He help me through using His word and people He placed in my life, He stretched my faith. I remember God would encourage me to challenge myself all the time. “Add 15 minutes here; add more resistance on this machine; run faster; lift this weight, etc…” I would hear God say before I started my workouts.
Honestly, I was planning to stick with the bare minimum until my body would scream out for more activity. But, nope, God did not let me get away that easy. He would continously show me to strive for greater; challenging me in exercises that I didn’t believe I could do.
I cannot express the joy I felt when I was able to run a mile for the first time, EVER! Even as a kid, it was difficult for me to run a mile. When I ran on the treadmill, comfortably, for ONE WHOLE MILE, I was hyped!
God built me up to that moment. He encouraged me to run a little when walking. Then, He would encourage me to run longer and longe, until I completed one mile without walking or taking breaks. I was so excited and impressed that I told God to challenge me some more! Which He did!
Once quarantine hit in March 2020, I was preparing and searching for a new work out plan. I always wanted to do HIIT, but felt like I was not conditioned enough. I could run without feeling overwhelmed and I could kill it on the elliptical, but hitting body weight exercises within a 30 second time frame,!and only 5-10 seconds of rest, seemed impossible.
Welp, God got me straight! He had Tasha send over a HIIT challenge that would help me and others to keep moving. I was reluctant but God encouraged me. And guess what? I killed it and killed it some more.
Now, I am HIIT queen and absolutely love the challenge. Before you know it, I will be showing off how I completed Insanity or P90X. Just give me a few more months 😉.
But that was another thing that aided me in my faith: having healthy relationships with others. I don’t just mean the healthy relationships where we talk about health, but healthy relationships that are full of support, love, and insight to the bigger picture.
I had to surround myself with healthy relationships in order to cultivate and help my faith to be stretched further. What I could not see in my own faith, they could, and would encourage me to be greater.
Healthy relationships when establishing a healthy lifestyle is EVERYTHING. God wants us to have our faith and eat it too! It is so important to have people around that will hype you up and jack you up when you are slacking. I love that they are there when I feel like I messed up, supporting me with their stories, faith, and love. I so needed that! Everyone does.
Even for those of you who have yet to experience that, enjoy it with yourself. You can become your biggest cheerleader and pep rally. You can become the most important thing to YOU! Developing a healthy relationship with yourself is more important than developing a healthy relationship with others. Without your relationship with you, your journey is not complete.
My weight loss journey .vs. No weight loss results
So, after learning all of this, where am I now? Well… I am progressing, my body is steadily changing, however, my weight loss has slowed down; I’ve hit a plateau.
Since becoming the HIIT queen, I had to realize that I had to change my diet. I was not eating enough to support my nutritional needs since I have a revved-up metabolism now.
So, now, I spend time making adjustments, working out almost every day (6 days a week now! 😜), and learning this new body of mine. It is interesting how much has changed, inside and out. I am learning something new all over again and I am loving it, even when it becomes frustrating.
However, in this most recent journey, I had to learn that what works for my body, will work for my body sometimes. As my body changes, I have to learn and adjust. I cannot tell you how many times I have adjusted meals AND exercise because my body didn’t like it. It’s okay because it is a great indicator that my body is changing, and that is important!
I also had to learn means that what may work for someone else, may not work for me, or it may. When it comes to those things, it is up-air situation until either it experimented with, or, learning the body well enough to know what will work for it and what will not.
I had to learn to pay attention to my body and not run to every Youtube weight loss video I could find so I could try something different and something new.
Doing that became overwhelming for me. I would cry often because I didn’t know what I could do better to become better. I would often find myself having anxiety because I felt as though I was not doing right for my body. I want to succeed! But when stuck on plateau, it can become discouraging to be in a place where you do not know what to do.
Having a handle on it now has put me at ease, but I know that there are still many of you, whether on a weight loss or weight gain journey, find yourself frustrated and angry with what your body is not doing, or possibly won’t do.
Trust me, I understand that it’s not a good place to be. But I encourage you to continue to pay attention to your body; find out what works best for you. See if you can journal about the special messages your body sends to you through cravings, hunger, thirst, sleeping habits, clarity in thinking and operating throughout the day, and so many other ways.
Don’t get hung up on all the latest fad diet or the latest pill/supplement/drink to take to lose the weight. Find out what works for you and stick with it! Create the lifestyle and not stretch the moment.
I encourage each and every one of you to talk to a nutritionist, a doctor (holistic or medical or both!), a health coach, a pastor, or a friend. Find what will help you to continue your success. All the tools are there, the main ingredient that is needed is you!
With love,
Love,
T.
Enjoying the sweetness of god 