Dear Husband,
I am tired. Not physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, or physically exhausted, but tired of the fight while waiting. I enjoy growing up in my maturity with God; it’s been a wild ride! But fighting the spiritual warfare while waiting while I see those not for God frolic about is annoying. Satan tries hard to come after us, and we fight back, but it is SO ANNOYING. Like dude-man Satan, go pick on your people, NOT ME and NOT US!
It makes me happy that I can piss off him and his minions. But on a hard day, I ask, “Why is it that the ungodly seemingly get the taste of the first fruits before we even see it on our vine?” Or, “Why is it that the strange woman has more alluring fruit than the woman of God?”. And even this one, “Why is it that the bad look so good, but the good looks so boring?”
I’m sorry, husband, I am just asking questions with already knowing the biblical answers. But my tired and annoyed state can’t help but wonder, “Why?”, “Why me?” and especially, “Why us?”.
Honestly, I can’t even ask or complain about these things; I have been on the other side. I have learned that just because it is instantaneous does not mean that it is fulfilling a void. I have come to know that because I am being pursued, that does not mean it fulfills my soul. I have freedom in my choice but no peace in what I choose. I’m not too fond of that, and I am sure you don’t like that too.
Yes, we both have turned away from our past, seeking to fulfill the desires of the Lord. We no longer act in willful disobedience; we understand how detrimental it is to our lives and, more importantly, our souls. However, God understands the affliction that we are facing, especially when we see so many of our peers in covenant-less relationships that seem joyful and prosperous, although we know that Satan is busy deceiving them. But I am reminded that we have God’s Mercy in this affliction.
Yes, we are tired and have often grown weary, but His mercy endures forever (Psalm 136). Mercy, in tandem with Grace, is the clear covering we are to seek from Him. His compassion, love, insight, and rest are all within us, resting our eyes upon His face. Remember, in Matthew 6:33, it says, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you”? In this affliction, we are to focus our fight on how He leads us, not on how atrocious our affliction looks. His Mercy and Grace are connected to us constantly seeking His presence, asking Him for direction, and knocking for the door to open (Luke 11).
Psalm 123:2-4 tells us that instead of looking towards our afflictions, we gaze our eyes upon God until He shows us mercy, just as “eyes of slaves look to the hand of their master” (NIV). Though we have difficulty believing that His mercy will fall upon us, we must know it is there. We speak of our weariness because of the “ridicule from the arrogant” and the “contempt from the proud”; however, we have been planted to withstand the seemingly strong winds that graze upon our roots in Christ.
I am confident that He firmly plants us; we shall not be moved NOR shaken. So, yes, the endurance and the wait make us tired, sometimes weary, and filled with less hope than we may have begun our journey; however, we are not enduring something that we have no victory over. We have renewed hope that God’s compassion is upon us as we journey through multiple seasons of our life, including this one. Since God is already in our tomorrows, He knows that as long as we continue to pursue Him, He will be our strength and keep us firmly planted in His Grace and Mercy.
I pray that this encourages you to continue to seek His face diligently. Continue to fight and stay immovable. It is almost over.
With love,
Your wife,
- Ter’race.
Enjoying the sweetness of god 