Today as I sit in the nail salon…
I’ve decided that it all ends here. This is my stopping point and I’ve made peace with the fact that I can no longer allow myself to feel void. I have written my name in permanent ink on the dotted line and have decided to not turn back.
I’ve decided I am going to get everything that God has planned for me without turning back but that means I am no longer accepting the bare minimum in my life. And that also means I am no longer tolerating those who operate in bare minimum in my life.
Although 2024 has already begun, God has shown me that seasons of friendships, acquaintances, and potential lovers has ended and there is nothing to harvest. There never was. Some were assignments, others were strategically placed delays, and others I accepted without God’s approval. Each one came with a price that I was willing to pay for because of the company and the fulfillment it brought in my life.
I thought my life was full and I was at the brink of breakthrough to only be met with stagnancy and displacement. Don’t get me wrong, I am not blaming the people in my life because of this bad conjunction, but it is the guilt behind the proclaimed responsibility of trying to be the good and support friend and potential lover.
It was never mine to carry. I was not graced for the assignments that I took on; I bamboozled myself. And with that realization, I realized that I needed to stop cheating myself of what God HAS graced me for and agree with what He has for me even when the ties I curated are severed and it hurts.
The most important lesson out of all this is that I learned to stop running. I thought I stopped running a long time ago. I thought I was settled; but I was only partially surrendered. I was still handicapped to my decisions; not by force but my personal contract with my chosen circumstances. God allowed me to wander in the wilderness until the hope of a beautiful mirage turning into an actual reality was broken when God allowed for the veil to be removed. And that came by way of at least surrendering to His Will and Way through His Word.
The deeper I fell in love with God the more that this facade of a personal contract with myself was revealed. God showed me that His Promise for me is right on the brink of being mine, but I had to let go what I thought was mine in order to obtain what is His. And with that, required letting go and growing up.
That was the Word He gave me for this year: Letting go and growing up. I didn’t know what it meant at the time and I was a bit scared to receive because that meant I had to realize what I built was not sufficient because I BUILT it; God did not.
What God had allowed for a season has now dried up. There is the new that He is waiting for me to step into. So, as I sit here in the nail shop, waiting for every callus to be scrubbed away, I am surrendering to have God take away all the callus I obtained from wrong decision and delayed season. I have made the decision, with God at the center of it all, to let go, grow up, and to never look back.
2024 is my year of blue – to receive healing but also operate in Word more obediently and efficiently.
I hope this makes sense and I hope this helps you too.
With love,
Love,
T.
Enjoying the sweetness of god 